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Emotional Intelligence: Bunch of Hooey or Key to Success?
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Submitted by Amanda.henson on Wed, 03/10/2010 - 6:17am.
“Emotional intelligence” - what IS it? Is it just another in the plethora of positive parenting catchphrases out there, or the bedrock in raising positive, joyful, successful kids?
Dr. J.D. Mayer and his colleagues at the University of New Hampshire define emotional intelligence thusly:
“Emotional intelligence refers to an ability to recognize the meanings of emotion and their relationships, and to reason and problem-solve on the basis of them. Emotional intelligence is involved in the capacity to perceive emotions, assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of those emotions, and manage them.”
If EI is essentially “The intelligent intersection of emotions and thoughts,” then it would ostensibly be a key component in early childhood education. After all, developmental thought and decision-making throughout life cannot happen in a vacuum; emotions are unavoidable players in the human condition.
From a child having difficulty sharing a toy to an adult grappling with the ethics of insider trading, emotional intelligence unquestionably impinges on actions. Is the glass half empty or half full? The EI quotient of the viewer can make a difference in the answer.
So...how as parents do we foster the growth and development of emotional intelligence in our children? How do we teach them to thoughtfully empathize, to consider more than just the facts, to think with their hearts? Understanding the emotions that may be at play in a situation can help tremendously in the cultivation of the coping skills we all need to face every day successfully. But how do you train yourself to recognize their importance while you're IN the situation?
Here are some resources to help you start thinking about these important conversations:
E is for Ethics: How to Talk to Kids About Morals, Ethics and What Matters Most by Ian James Corlett.
Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents by Christine Carter.
Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman.
How do YOU encourage your children to exercise Emotional Intelligence? Share your strategies with us in the comments!
By Lindsay Maines
Spring Sun Flower!
Submitted by Amanda.henson on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 5:53am.
It was a warm day out today and we were playing outside when my son asked me what flowers we will have in our garden this year. We decided to plant a sunflower this year and although it's still too soon to dig in , we were able to make this one in the meantime.
Grab what you need: 3 sheets of construction paper ( blue, black, and green), glue, scissors, a hole punch, a cupcake liner and yellow markers.
Start by coloring your cupcake liner liner yellow. We used two shades of markers but paint, crayons or colored pencils will work as well.
Cut out a long stem and some leaves.
Glue the stem amd leaves on the blue paper.
Glue the cupcake liner on.
Punch out many black holes. My son loves doing this and the hole puncher is great for developing muscle strength in his hands and wrist, which in turn will help him write. It's also great hand eye co-ordination.
Add glue to the flower.
Add your dots
Let dry.
Book
One Litter Seed by Elaine Greenstein is a great book for many ages. It has simple text that is great for read aloud as well as for emergent readers to attempt without help. It explains the process of planting a seed, roots emerging, plant growing and eventually producing seeds itself. I encourage families to read this and grab some seeds to plant! The illustrations are really very beautiful and make this simple little book great for any springtime reading list.
By Allison McDonald
Parent-Teacher Conferences
Submitted by Amanda.henson on Mon, 03/08/2010 - 10:17am.
As a single parent of two daughters, I’ve been attending parent-teacher conferences for the last 7 years. I’ve just had my most recent conference last week. There are plenty of lists of what parents should do in a parent teacher conference, so here’s my list to teachers of what works and what doesn’t for me, as the parent participant in these conferences:
- The actual progress reports. While I realize that teachers are not responsible for the progress report categories and the like, I ask that a teacher understands that there are way too many categories for me to process in the average 15 minutes that we have during a conference. A lot of time is spent just going over the categories. Can the progress reports go home even a day prior to the conference so that I have a chance to digest it all?
- Don’t invite my student. I know this goes against a previous Parentella post, but what I’ve experienced from the times my own child has participated is that the words they take in are not necessarily a full understanding of what’s being said. I had one parent teacher conference in particular where the teacher inappropriately spent a large amount of time talking about her own daughter, and my daughter started exhibiting the behaviors of her teacher’s daughter. It took me a month to get her back on track. However, assuming that a teacher isn’t inappropriate, I want to figure out how to frame my own discussion with my child about her progress, not spend a lot of time re-framing the bits and pieces that my child misinterpreted during the conference.
- Back up your criticisms with ideas. I once had a very frustrating talk with one teacher where I know my child is capable, couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t living up to her abilities, and the only feedback the teacher had was, “she needs to do better.” I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that. Another time, I asked a teacher for online resources we could use at home to help my daughter’s progress in a certain area, and she had no ideas. It does me no good to simply hear that my daughter’s not doing well at something, but specific information and specific resources can help me to help her.
- Don’t wait for a conference if a child is really struggling. This experience hasn’t happened to me personally, but I’ve heard from many parents who were truly shocked when they came into the conference and learned their child was in danger of failing. Conferences should be about a student’s overall progress, but if there has been no progress in a certain area, parents should be notified sooner rather than later.
- It’s not your personal time. I always try to come in with empathy, and I realize that parent-teacher conference time is busy for the teachers, but it is part of the job. I don’t want to hear the teacher complain that there’s no time, or how tired they are. This is our limited time to talk about what’s going well and where my child isn’t doing so well. Let’s stick to the subject at hand.
- Think before-hand about how my child’s strengths can help their weaknesses. To me, the time we spend talking about what my daughter does well is not wasted. Sometimes, we can take some of those good skills and use them to guide her in other subjects. A visual learner, for example, could use those visualizations to help understand a mathematic equation. Someone who is quick to memorize lyrics could be taught to use those memorization skills in other areas.
- Never appear to have written my child off. My 9-year-old is particularly adept at empathy. She can tell when someone is rooting for her, and when someone isn’t. She’s apt to stop trying if she thinks she’s never going to be able to do it. I’m apt to think less of a teacher if they appear to not believe in my child’s ability. I’m sure there are many labels someone can put on me as a parent for feeling that way, but I do believe that given the right tools, any child is capable. Please go into every conference prepared to offer guidance in how all of our children can do their very best.
My Journey in creating a Global Citizen
Submitted by Parentella on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 6:00pm.
The #ptchat from 2/24 was about creating globally aware citizens. This online twitter discussion was extremely topically and it really highlighted to me that there must be a parent teacher connection in order to “meet the challenge of helping our children become global citizens” (Shelly Terrell).
Whilst on the chat I wore my ‘teacher hat’ and was thinking about how education and teachers can help partners with parents. Today my perspective is from the eyes of a parent of a two and half year old (Dusty). In her short life so far I believe Dusty is already a global citizen.
My definition of a global citizen is a person who participates in the rich diversity of our world. A global citizen learns, connects and experiences the world.
Dusty learns about other cultures at home, through extended family and friends and from day care. She also connects with other cultures; sometimes on a daily basis. This has been successfully achieved because of technology. Skype and Facebook help my family stay connected. You see I have one brother and law and his wife and 1 year old in Paris and another in London. Both sets of grandparents travel overseas regularly and my sister in law just went on an 8 week overseas holiday.
I am sure Dusty thinks that all 2 year olds have regular conversations on the computer. And most days she is asking to look at ‘the picture page’ (Facebook) to see what everyone is up to. Dusty has only met her uncle and aunt once, and never her 1 year old cousin, but she knows they are family and she is connected to them.
Each time Dusty is on Skype she is learning and experiencing another world. We hear what they are up to, we can hear different background noises (markets, church bells, traffic) and we see different places. But we are having difficulty explaining that her cousin is still asleep when it is our afternoon. The photos on Facebook are meaningful because someone she knows is standing in that market place, or in front of that Castle. It is not a random photo of a tourist attraction but someone she knows.
And finally Dusty has experienced another culture. We just came back from two weeks in Japan. Even at two she was acutely aware of the differences. The busy Tokyo subway, the sounds of Japanese and the real taste of sushi. It was amazing to see a new place through the eyes of a child. In every hotel room Dusty would try to ring “grand dad” – she’d either pick up a phone or start tapping at the laptop.
Technology, finances and family living and traveling abroad has made the task of helping our child become a global citizen easier. But I believe two family decisions were more important.
Firstly my husband and I were raised the same way. We had both traveled extensively as children, both had exchange students live with us, both were taught to learn, respect and enjoy other cultures, and finally we went to schools that were multicultural.
When we got married my husband and I made a conscious decision that we wanted to travel and continue to travel once we had children. We didn’t want overseas travel to be a badge of wealth that our children would use to say they were better than others. But we wanted them to value the diversity and love the learning that occurs when you see, hear and participate in living in another part of the world.
I don’t want Dusty to be a spectator of the world. I want her to belong. Not just belong in our family. Not just belong in her circle of friends, school, city or country. I want her to belong anywhere in the world.
Student Participation in Parent Teacher Interviews
Submitted by Parentella on Tue, 03/02/2010 - 10:24am.
The sole focus of a parent / teacher interview should be the student. Topics should be based on the academic, social and emotional development of the child at that particular moment. Sometimes successes are discussed. Sometimes areas of concern are highlighted. Both these cases are positive examples of parent / teacher meetings. But they are only positive meetings if the focus is the child and working out a plan of attack to support the child and their home / school environment.
Too often parent / teacher interviews are not about the child. They are about:
· Parents and teachers accusing each other and laying blame at problems
· Glossing over the real issues that may take time
· Promoting own self importance
I am an advocate for Student Participation in Parent Teachers Interviews.
Successful meetings can occur between parents and teachers if students are also involved in the process. Below you will find a list of ways this can be achieved. I believe that if students have some involvement then all parties will remember the real reason for the meeting: to create a better educational experience for them.
Examples of Student Participation
1. Desk / Book Investigation
This first way is simple, involves very little planning or organisation and can be used with all age groups. And it is very effective.
Here is how it works: If you are a classroom teacher than sit the parents at the student’s desk. If you are a high school teacher then ask for all student notebooks before the meeting. All meetings usually involve questions about whether the student is up to date with work, neat or organized. To answer, the teacher just needs to show the parents the desk or books. That visual, either positive or negative, will give parents a real understanding of their child operates at school.
2. Student Reflection
This is another strategy that can be given to students of all ages. Ask students to reflect on their learning. One example is to ask students to write a letter to their parents, and then at end of meeting ask parents to reply. This worked extremely well with Grade 3. I gave students a writing scaffold – What work do you want your parents to look at, what are you worried about at school. For older students you could ask them to reflect on an assessment task or a specific subject area.
Strangely enough, I have found most students very open to the idea and parents are often surprised at the detail they will write in a letter. This reflection is an excellent prompt for both parents and teachers to remember the student’s needs, which may be totally different to what the parent or teacher expects.
3. Student Portfolio (with or without child)
This is a very common strategy where the student and teacher collect pieces of work that then can be perused and discussed at a parent teacher meeting. For me, it is my least favourite example of student participation. I feel that Portfolio’s are time consuming, staged and lack the opportunity for students to discuss their social and emotional needs.
4. Student involved in meeting
This is the most effective and powerful way for all parties to be aware of the needs of the child. But the strategy will only work if preparation, clear ground rules and empathy from all parties is in place.
Preparation – The student needs to understand that they will be involved in the meeting. I say involved and my students know that this means that they will have the opportunity to voice their opinion. I may spend some time before the meeting prompting them to reflect on school or friends. I will let them know an example of a positive that I am going to discuss as well an area of concern.
Clear Ground Rules – Before the meeting I explain either by email or phone call that the child will be in the meeting. I will explain to the parent that all three of us will be talking about the strengths and areas of concern as well as creating an action plan. This initial contact is also the opportunity for either myself or the parent to discuss something that we don’t want to say in front of the child.
Empathy – Once in the meeting you need to be prepared to understand all sides of the argument. I have found in some many cases that two of the parties regularly ‘gang up’ on the other. Adults vs student, Family vs Parent. For real student participation to work teachers and parents need to spend some time trying to understand where everyone else is coming from.
Student involvement in parent teacher interviews can be risky. Students may say things that are surprising. But we need to give students the opportunity to voice their opinion and their education.
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By Ainslie Hunter
Passing Math
Submitted by Parentella on Mon, 03/01/2010 - 9:10pm.
I heard this great line in Passing Strange (proving once again how much I learn from Broadway musicals). I’m paraphrasing, but in a nutshell: “You know that feeling when you wake up one morning and realize your entire adult life was based on a decision made by a teenager?”
As a mother, that completely stresses me out.
I think about my own life, and those decisions made by a 16-year-old, an 18-year-old, a 24-year-old, and even today, at 30-something and I still can’t believe that I’m the adult now. Even stranger, I’m the mom!
Even so, I don’t have very many regrets. Our lives take strange twists and turns, and consequences – as I’ve learned from both my own life and as a mother trying to dole them out appropriately – have unintended effects. All we can do is learn from them, and move on, and try to do better.
My 12-year-old daughter is doing poorly in Math. And I don’t know how to help her.
I don’t remember what I learned in school about equations. Even when I look through my notes or online help, I’ve been known to give her the wrong answers. This is information that I dumped as soon as the class was over. It was always very hard for me, and I didn’t always know what I was doing wrong. I just know I did enough and never have to take Math again. That is, as the student.
Knowing that I was never going to last in a career that required stellar math skills, I thought it was okay to not hang onto that. I didn’t know that I’d have to remember it to teach my children. (My other daughter, thankfully, has a knack for Math. She didn’t get it from me.)
I joined another parent committee and at our first meeting, other parents talked about the need for tutors. I recognized the helplessness in their eyes.
I don’t know how they did in those classes when they were growing up. One parent had a thick accent that led me to believe she was not born in the U.S. so I don’t know if her background has given her the skills necessary to help her child. We just all knew our children needed help, and we couldn’t give it to them.
I wish I could say we came up with a solution for everyone. We did not.
I know for my own daughter, there is shame in needing help. She is struggling with her pride right now to reach out and get the help she needs. And she’s 12, so sometimes, communication is hard. For both of us.
Frankly, right now, I’ll be happy if she passes. I don’t need her to get straight As. I don’t want her to feel like a failure if she does. At the same time, I don’t understand how a child that goes to all her classes and completes her work could not pass. She tells me in a desperate voice, “I’m trying!” And I know she is. And I feel just as desperate because my own attempts to help have been such a failure.
I can just hope that the decisions she makes, and the ones I make for her, still manage to get her to an adult life where she is happy, productive, and contributing to our society…even if she won’t be our next Einstein.
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A Dilemma
Submitted by Parentella on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 9:02am.
Today I am writing to you with a dilemma. You see, my daughter attends a school in a rural area of America where not all of the community members are tech or internet savvy. In fact, the majority of our population still lives without a basic computer in their home. The lack of technology and the general disdain shown for it in our school system is something that haunts me as my husband and I raise two technology savvy young ladies in the 21st Century.
As the secretary of our Parent-Teacher organization, I have created and update monthly a website for the PTSO, but there are few who actually use it. Our school district has a poorly updated, rarely visited web page of their own that regularly sits dormant for months at a time. At the beginning of the school year last year, parents were told educators would be keeping a class blog to help parents/guardians stay involved and up-to-date with the classroom, but they were never used and at the beginning of this year the blogs were not even mentioned. I, and a small group of connected parents, have attempted numerous times to offer help with the website or raising awareness, inquired about the teachers' blogs but to no avail.
We are simply being shut down at the door: the principal's door, the superintendent's door, and the board's door. In the last year, while many schools are expanding their technology based learning our school is drastically falling behind. Who does this hurt? The students, the teachers, the administrators, the parents, and our collective future. If our children do not begin learning with and in the 21st Century while attending school, they will inevitably fall behind once they enter the workforce and are competing against thousands of other applicants. While I know my husband and I do all we can to make sure our children grow into contributing, technologically savvy, always learning worldwide citizens,
I can't help but wonder about the students who's parents are not interested in or unable to do the same. These children will grow up and contribute to the world's future. I want them all, not just my own, to have the most advantages as possible. How can I help my community embrace technology, not just in the classroom but also in their daily lives?
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#PTChat Summary 2/24/2010
Submitted by Parentella on Thu, 02/25/2010 - 3:05pm.
All the children in my English class for young language learners are multilingual. German is their native language, but many also know French, Spanish, and Italian and they are learning English! I find this amazing because the youngest child is four years-old. I love that I can be part of their journeys towards becoming a global citizen, but I highly praise their parents. The parents are committed to helping their children become global citizens. Outside of attending classes, the parents actively use our class wiki and have participated in our class collaboration project with children from Turkey and New Zealand. Additionally, the parents read to their children in other languages, designate different times to speaking with their children in a specific language, and sing children's songs in various languages. Our children will be the next generation and part of solving global issues and preventing international conflict is an understanding of various cultures and knowing how to effectively communicate with each other. Can parents, teachers, and school leaders meet the challenge of helping our children become global citizens?
This past Wednesday on the #PTCHAT chat educators, parents, and other stakeholders from around the world gathered to meet the challenge of helping our children become global citizens. We were joined by Deron Durflinger, @DeronDurflinger, a Secondary Principal at Van Meter Schools in Iowa. His blog, Vanmeter Schools Transforming the Educational System, highlights many of the ways the school district is helping raise global citizens through a 1 to 1 laptop program and virtual component.
The image is provided by www.wordle.net
Here were some of the great ideas shared:
Parentella: Parenthood.com offers some light, easy to follow suggestions on raising global citizens. http://cot.ag/aVn5kz
DeronDurflinger: I think one key to raising global citizens is to provide opportunities for students to connect with other stdts/learners globally
cybraryman1: I think it is important for our students to be aware of what is going on in the world by listening to or reading news items
readtoday: Could someone define "global citizen" for me?
DeronDurflinger: @Parentella Our role as parents is critical in any learning. Parents attitudes have a huge impact on how and what kids think
soapdivine: @readtoday Travel if possible, yes. For those that it may not be possible, the world can come to the student via technology. G' idea
ainsliehunter: the old adage on "a village raises a child" really takes on a whole new meaning now
aprilabtbalance: Are there sites where parents would feel safe letting their children connect with other children worldwide?
studymentor: globally aware chn are more than just spectators of world views, they participate,and involved in thinking, helping and
ESLlibrary: What can parents do to help educators create global students?
DeronDurflinger: @Parentella There are so many free tools that allow kids to become global citizens. Skype, Nings, Twitter,etc. free networking tools
hadleyjf: Finding people to skype with can open the world to students
studymentor: global stereotypes can only be broken down by learning and listening
helainebecker: Travel. RT: @Parentella What advice do you have to fighting global sterotypes?
ainsliehunter: i think an imersion approach would work - not have a global citizen subject, but find opportunities in all subjects, all year levels
BrandonFrame: History Curriculums need to be revamped so that students learn more about other cultures and the rich heritages of others
swigant: @DeronDurflinger @colonelb I think it would be wonderful for a method to connect my spanish 4 students.
DonaKimberly: @swigant Any of your classes could benefit from exchange students!
readtoday: I took my son to Spain for three months when he was four. He played with children from all over. We had a blast
thinkingparents: I love talking multi-lingal immersion & multi-lingual literacy! Fascinating and such valuable skills!
ApsatParentella: RT @DeronDurflinger: Embrace the change needed by supporting schools/teachers and advocating for a change in the system w/lpolicymakers
FaizaK: @aprilabtbalance History is past. Its boring for most kids anyway. Teach them how to live and respect others in the present.
MarieTN: @Parentella I feel that we are on the brink of something that is huge in education.
Parentella was created to solve the issue of parent and educator communication at elementary, middle school and high school levels. As part of this mission, we are hosting weekly #PTCHAT discussions to encourage a productive dialogue between parents and educators. We hope you will join us Wednesdays at 9 p.m. EST and 9pm PST.
You may also want to join Parentella on Facebook to keep updated. We invite you to propose questions for the next topic on March 3rd. View the entire transcript here. Vote for the topic on the poll here.
If you are new to following hashtag discussions, you may want to check out this video tutorial on using Tweetdeck for hashtag discussions.
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Better Lunch
Submitted by Parentella on Wed, 02/24/2010 - 10:19am.
In Kindergarten or middle grades, private school or public, city district or rural, at least one commonality is shared by kids the world over: they all eat lunch.
Or they SHOULD, as we all know that a nutritious mid-day meal is necessary to re-fuel the mind and body. Too often though, meals lovingly packed in the morning return home in lunchboxes virtually untouched or worse yet meet an untimely end in the school trash. While there could be any number of reasons for this ñ boredom with the same PB&J, difficulty maneuvering a Ziploc bag, inability to stop playing long enough to actually eat ñ here are a few ideas and resources for making kids lunches just WAY too much fun to ignore.
BENTO: In Japan, folks make lunch an event. The custom of sending obento, or box lunches has evolved into an art form. Specially designed and beautifully decorated partitioned containers hold equally beautiful combustibles; edible art in deliciously appetizing small portions with great variety. A quick web-search of ìKids Bentoî will offer up a wealth of ideas on how to pack a unique and nutritious meal that's sure to delight your little ones, and one which offers a departure from the sandwich/chips/fruit option. Added bonus: no disposable bags!
Below are some examples that my buddy Ri from Music Savvy Mom sends to Pre-School with her almost four year old Liam, using things we might all find in our kitchens:
SANDWICH ART: If the idea of designing an entire snugly-packed lunch intimidates you, how about starting with just the sandwich? Mark Northeast of Funky Lunch inspires even the least artistic of us to wield a paring knife with finesse. The gallery of photos on the site aren't all; there will be a book out soon with actual instructions!
PACKAGED FUN: For those mornings when there is just NO time for parental creativity, thankfully there are nutritious options for filling a lunchbox with edible fun. As a Mom whose kiddos have food and dye allergies, I have to be cautious always ñ even when there's seemingly no time to throw something together. Trader Joe's is my go-to source for organic and allergy friendly food...for kids AND adults. Their website is tailor made for the Busy Parent, with PDF printable food lists and menu suggestions that have been specifically categorized:
Hereís another great resource for parents of kids with food allergies:
Food Content Alerts, a site for people with food sensitivities to keep track of products that are ìsafeî and generate shopping lists. As we all know, feeding kids is hard enough, feeding kids with allergies, exponentially so. Any resources to ease the path are golden!
(No brands influenced this post, brought to you by just another parent who loves to see clean(ish) plates and healthy, happy kids.) Share YOUR healthy & fun food tips with us here, and happy lunching!
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V.2 of the site
Submitted by Parentella on Tue, 02/23/2010 - 10:37am.
We thank all our alpha users for their invaluable feedback. We are so grateful to have the input.
With the feedback, we are in the process of making it even simpler to share what happens at school each day and to make your life easier.
Stay tuned for updates. We will announce the date of the launch soon. If you'd like to learn more, email us at feedback at parentella dot com.
Talk to you soon.